Recognition of True Love
What you can explore in this article
1. True meaning of Love
2. Love is for yourself or for who you think you love?
3. Unconscious thoughts behind the feelings of worldly love
4. Why love fades after some time of marriage or relationship
5. Why people have extra-marital affair even after so called love
6. Can love be possessive?
7. Different between liking, lust and love
8. Relationship between Higher Consciousness and Love
9. Experiment to realize true love
Door can be used for the purpose of confinement as well as the gate way to freedom too. It all depends upon you how you use it. Same is true for all relationships too, whether it be with your spouse or friends. If you have true love, you will give freedom to everyone whomsoever you are related too. But in most of the cases what happens that our relationship becomes a confinement, a bondage. We frequently use terms Love, God etc., but we rarely do have the realization of these terms. Our condition is same as that of a blind man who has never seen a flower, but he tries to give several interpretations of flowers.
Love for a common man
For a common man what is love? In most of the cases we use the term ‘love’ for our ‘liking’ or ‘passion’. For example when you come across a beautiful woman or a very handsome man, you feel that you love that woman or man. But that is not your love, rather it is your liking, no matter you can be prepared to give up your life in order to get that man or woman. Here you like someone for your own reason with your selective approach. Since that man or woman is handsome or beautiful, that’s why you like them. So you have got your own reason and the purpose, as others being handsome or beautiful created a stimulus in your body-mind system and you want to get them to satisfy the urge, the disturbance in your being.
Your unconscious mind wants to nullify the disturbance in the equilibrium within you, created by the stimuli present outside of you, in the form of the man or the woman. So you have your own reason and purpose to like someone as through someone you wish to calm the disturbance in your inner equilibrium.
That’s why, you see after marriage or long relationship with the man or woman for whom once you had a very strong craving, now you don’t feel same intensity about the same man or woman.
Everyone, after a few days or months or years of marriage, feels attraction for other person now. Some people even proceeds to have extramarital affairs. And so many times we have seen the so called love marriages end in divorces. What does it mean? It simply means that what you once thought of love, it was not the love but your liking. Had it been you love, marriage would not have been essential. This seems to be contradictory, but you will realize that there is no contradiction at all, once if you understand and realize the mechanism, dynamics and mystery of love.
How can we differentiate between liking and love? The differentiation can be done on the basis of the following factors-
a. Consciousness v/s hypnosis
b. Factors existing inside v/s outside
c. Without purpose v/s with purpose
d. Universality v/s selectivity.
e. Indifference v/s disturbance and disappointment
f. Freedom v/s bondage
g. Intensity gradient v/s uniformity
In most of the cases when you think you love someone and it is not love, but merely your liking, what happens in that state is that you are in a strong state of hypnosis, you are simply in the state of unconsciousness, while the true love is the manifestation of a highly conscious state. In the state of liking you exist outside of your being, while in the state of pure love, you exist within you, with yourself.
The stimulus of liking exist outside of your being, while in case of true love that exists within your being, it is a journey from inside to outside without the intensity gradient. When you are in the state of love, there is no intensity gradient; it is uniform in intensity irrespective of time flux.
In case of liking you have a purpose, you have a need to satisfy and the man or woman for whom you feel you love, is just a tool required to offset the in-equilibrium caused in your being. Since he or she is a tool to nullify disturbance in your being, so you are scared of losing him or her when he or she interacts with other woman or man. Your liking makes you possessive about him or her and when he or she interacts with other women or man, you become jealous.
Just think how is it possible when the person whom you think you love, he or she has physical relationship with others, you lose your temper and peace. You cannot tolerate your spouse having physical relationship with others despite knowing that when your spouse is having physical relationship with others, that way he or she is enjoying a lot. If your liking is a true love, how is it possible that you cannot tolerate when the person, whom you think that you love, tries to pursue pleasure from someone else than you. How the pleasure of the person whom you think you love, can be your agony? What does it indicate?
It makes it clear that relationship between you and the person, whom you think you love, is not based on true love, but it is simply your liking. Hence there is the sense of possession. Liking makes you selective, but when you are in true state of love, you come out of the selective attitude, because selection is the game of mind and love is not the affair of mind, rather it is a deeper alchemy of your ‘entire existence’. In the state of love you are out of all calculations, you are just out of the domain of mind. Selection shows the narrowness of liking, while universality is the essence of love. When you love someone, you simply happen to love one and all without any reason, without any purpose.
Love and liking can also be distinguished on the basis of indifference and perplexity.
When you like someone, you remain disturbed and perplexed until you get them. And in most of the cases you remain disturbed, even after you get them. While, in the state of true love, since you remain with yourself, so your love is not subject to the presence or absence of someone. When you come across someone, you show kindness and good gesture to them, and when no-one is there, and then also you are in a blissful state. You enjoy not only your own being, but the entire existence, entire cosmos, the whole universe. It is the state of plasma. You simply flow from inside to outside, without being bothered about the taker, or the person in front.
In most of the cases your relationship creates bondage for the person whom you think you love, while the true love gives freedom. You become the gateway to the freedom to a person whom you love. It gives freedom not only to the person you love, but it also liberates you. And this is the Godly state, that’s why we call love as God.
Now question is how to proceed from liking to the love? How to be in the state of love? Unless and until you realize love yourself, you cannot understand the difference between love and liking. I suggest you here a method. Do this experiment if you want to understand the phenomenon of love.
Love and sex are different
Love and sex also are two different things, but sex can be the gateway to love too. Just do one experiment. In most of the cases where a couple undergo the process of sex with each other, in that interaction everyone tries to satisfy one’s physical need using other as a tool. You touch your partner because your body wants to enjoy the touch of other’s body. That’s why you must have observed – most of husbands retire from sex immediately when they discharge, without being bothered whether their partner is satisfied or not. What I mean to say that in the sexual interaction, priority is the self- satisfaction and see, the paradox, people call it love.
Experiment to realize true love
If you do following experiment, then you can realize the bliss of love.
Approach towards sex should be wholeheartedly without being in a hurry. Firstly sit together and gently take out your clothes in full awareness. Be aware to each and every movement. When you are totally naked, just watch each other for some time without touching. Just watch, don’t interpret it. Don’t talk to each other at all throughout the experiment. After watching each other for at least five minutes, then touch each other’s palm gently and watch and feel the touch without making any interpretation. Remain in this state again for at least three to four minutes. Then gently make your whole body touch the entire body of your partner. Feel the sensation, the touch without any interpretation. Be watchful for each and every moment and movement and for your-self also.
After at-least seven to eight minutes start kissing each other without getting excited. Watch the sensation kissing each other. Remain in this state of tight hug and kissing for at-least seven to eight minutes. Be totally aware of the sensation. During the whole process don’t let your breathing be fast, keep it as slow as possible. If for the first twenty minutes you have remained cool and watchful to every sensation, you will observe alchemy in yourself. You will start having the realization of true love. Now proceed for intercourse. You will observe that now what-ever you are doing, you are not doing it for the pleasure of your-self, but rather for the pleasure of your partner. And this way being totally devoted for the pleasure of your partner, you yourself are in the state of divine bliss. In this state only you can realize the meaning of true love.
(Dr. Aaron Thomas)
Psychotherapist | Author | Spiritual Master